These days, financial planningbooks and articlesare warning that you canexpect to spend as muchtime in retirement as youdo in your working life. Basically,they're saying that you'll need tosave way more than you already have,or you'll be destitute when you're oldand frail. That's a scary thought. Howcan you ever be expected to know howlong you'll live or how much moneyyou'll need? It's impossible?until now.
A Diet Plan for Life
New England Journal of Medicine
New research published in the prestigioushas proven conclusively that whatyou eat will affect your lifespan. Believeit or not, that's good news. Now there'sa way to calculate how long you willlive so that you will know how manyyears you'll be withdrawing moneyfrom your plan.
All the bigwigs in the financial servicesindustry are failing to tell you that allyou really need to ensure that you don'toutlive your money is an eating planthat will adjust your lifespan down orup to match the exact amount of moneyyou will have available.
Our friendly staff of financial plannershere at Eat and Save Internationalwill analyze your portfolio and calculatehow much you'll need based onyour expected lifespan. Then—andthis is the really important point—our crack dietician team will developa customized diet plan for you, tomake sure you kick the bucket at theexact moment your money runs out.You'll never worry that you'll outliveyour retirement savings again.
Our Satisfied Customers
The following are raves from someof our satisfied customers:
I was in a panic before I discovered
Eat and Save International, as I found
myself staring at retirement with only
$23,000 in my checking account. I filled
out a simple questionnaire, mailed it in
with my check, and received a customized
diet plan that guaranteed that I
would not live long enough to be a burden
on my children. And the best part is
that I can "live it up" in the few years that
I have left. I eat the Grand Slam breakfast
at Denny's 3 days a week. I eat only premium
ice cream, and I put butter on my
toast. I'm going out in style and enjoying
myself every second of the way. Thank you
Eat and Save International.
Lawrence "Big" Spendr, MD,
from Terre Haute, Ind
I spent my life diligently saving and
investing so that I would be sure to
have a good retirement. But then I realized
that I was likely to kick off with
too much money left in my retirement
plan, and my good-for-nothing children
would get it. Now I don't need to worry.
My customized retirement diet plan
from Eat and Save International assures
me that I will live to age 105 and spend
every last dime I have. Of course, I have
to eat wheat germ and eggplant 3 times a
day, but that's a small price to pay to make
sure those rotten children don't get their
grubby paws on my money.
Samuel â€œReelâ€ Cheep, MD, from
La Boca Cabana Grande Vista, Fla
And how can you be sure that you'llget an accurate plan? Because I, thepresident of Eat and Save International,am also a customer. And atmy own expense, I assembled a first-ratestaff of financial planners anddieticians and locked them in a hotelroom in downtown Chicago for along weekend until they crunched thenumbers and developed the complexalgorithms and formulas in my nowpatented software.
Remember that your customizedplan is guaranteed for your lifetime.If you should run out ofmoney before you die, just contactour legal department in theBahamas, and we'll negotiatea settlement. And if you areamong the first 1000 peopleto respond to this offer, wewill also send you a freeset of steak knives or ajuice blender, whicheveris more appropriatefor you.
Louis L. Constan, a family practice physicianin Saginaw, Mich, is the editor of theSaginaw County Medical Society Bulletinand Michigan Family Practice. He welcomesquestions or comments at 3350 ShattuckRoad, Saginaw, MI 48603, 989-792-1899, or firstname.lastname@example.org.