Financial Humor: It's Not an Oxymoron

Humor is related to tension, and sometimes tragedy, so it would seem to be a natural for money issues.

Financial Humor: No, it’s not an oxymoron, although my crack staff has had to dig and dig to come up with this, only the third edition of financial humor. Humor is related to tension, and sometimes tragedy, so it would seem to be a natural for money issues. But, alas, a more common response to money issues is to sulk or cry in one’s beer. Anyway, with a tip ‘o the hat to The New Yorker, let’s see if we can break the gloom.

• One doc to another: “The new regulations will fundamentally change the way that we get around them.” ICD-10 anyone?

• Nurse to nurse, over a man in bed: “Of course he looks peaceful—he’s lived his whole life in a bull market.”

• Father to family at dinner table: “Kids, your mother and I have spent so much money on health insurance this year that, instead of a vacation, we’re all going to go in for elective surgery.”

• Two Men looking at computer screen: “Up 116 points! If only we had had the foresight to invest 10 minutes ago.”

• One hobo to another: “There it is again—the ‘invisible hand’ of the market giving us the finger.”

• College student on phone: “Dad, the Dean has gone over your financial statement and doesn’t think that you are working up to your full potential.”

• Plutocrat to tycoon, in front of mansion: “I could cry when I think of the years I wasted accumulating money, only to learn that my cheerful disposition is genetic.”

• Mechanic to car owner: “We jacked up our prices to ensure that you receive the same quality and service in the future.”

• Two hedge fund CEOs at a cocktail party: “Millions is craft, billions is art.”

• Stockbroker to young woman over dinner: “I’ll be honest with you Mary, I am looking for a no-load relationship.”

• Dog to dog: “Let’s face it—man’s best friend is money.”

• One CEO to another: “They can do what they want with the minimum wage, as long as they keep their hands off the maximum wage.”

• Father to son: “New money, Bobby, is old money that got away.”

• From Henny Youngman, famous vaudeville comedian: “I have enough money to retire comfortably on, as long as I die by 4 o’clock.”

• Man to bank loan officer: “What I’d like, basically, is a temporary line of credit to tide me over for the rest of my life.”

• Finally, from my wife; “I’ve figured out a way to pay for our daughter’s wedding. We only have to plan to die 2 years early.” (true! - sob)