More Financial Humor? Who Knew?

My crack staff informed me that in their zeal to find that rare commodity, financial humor, they have left over from last week’s column enough to generate another. Amazing. Another tip ‘o the hat is due to The New Yorker.

• One stock broker to another: “Every bubblehead with a buck is back speculating in the market again. Thank God.” Ouch.

• Older man to younger man: “Son, you’re all grown up now. You owe me $264,000.” (That amount is actually about right, according to the latest statistics!)

• Would-be startup guys to venture capitalist: “These projected figures are a figment of our imaginations. We hope that you like them.” Truer than we realize….

• Receptionist to patient: “I’m afraid the doctor is no longer with us. He has been taxed out of existence.”

• Woman to husband: “That new couple in the McMansion next door have more money than taste or more taste than money, but I can never remember which.”

• Husband to wife, staring at new car in window: “The best things in life may be free, but the second best things can run into real money.”

• Young bombshell to old tycoon: “Gee whiz Mr. Whitney, a billion dollars isn’t old.”

• Husband to wife, over pile of bills: “It’s happened, Ellen. We’re living beyond our second income.” Ha, ha—not so funny.

• Doctor on phone to wife, as distraught, undressed patient looks on: “By all means dear, buy it if you really want it. We’ll find the money for it somehow.”

• Car mechanic to dismayed customer: “Of course that’s only an estimate. The actual cost will be more.”

• Grateful borrower to loan officer: “Thank you very much! I don’t know how I can ever repay you!”

• Wife to husband: “Darling, here is the bill from the hospital. One more payment and the baby is ours.”

• Man to woman over dinner: “To hell with what the Sierra Club could do with the cost of a fighter plane. Think what I could do with the cost of a fighter plane.”

• Two well-dressed men at a bar: “I may or may not need a psychotherapist, but if I do he’d better have a thorough knowledge of federal tax laws.”